We have made it to the end of the anno Domini 2015, what a witty and fine statement huh, and nothing has changed: we’re still plotting to lose ten pounds, and we are forever in throes of whimsical fashion hysteria, fashion that changes every three months undermining our certainties and our finances.
I like writing in the third person, not because of a sudden Hamlet syndrome but because I enjoy imagining myself in the grip of my profound disturbances while I contemplate a pair of shorts form Topshop.
“Will I fit into those shorts?”
“What the fuck is a UK size W26?”
“Oh God, please tell me I don’t have to measure my hips and reveal my measurements to everyone in Topshop. Then what will they think? That I feed myself solely on custard cream throughout the year?”
“Will I regret buying these shorts in two months time?”
“Somebody said I look like Brenda Walsh, maybe it’s time to end this fashion non sense”.
We get it, sales aren’t for feeble people, and my firm points are as follow:
1. From Mother Zara I only buy after the 10th of January
In those cold midweek mornings you can take home 5 euro dresses and a pat on the back from the cashier.
2. The childrens deparment is sneaker Paradise
Do you wish for a pair of Stan Smiths? Of New Balance? Do you wear a size 5 or 6? The answer is: go to childrens section and you’ll pay half the price normally, never mind during the sales.
3. One hundred and not a penny more
In Zara you’re not to spend more than 100 euros, otherwise you’ll automatically be assigned the dumb chicken title of the year because you completely lost track of the term low-cost.
4. The Classic
For those of you who are capable of containing the shopping to a single item, for those who have reached the zen point, for those who have mastered the Dark and Obscure forces behind compulsive shopping, for true Jedi warriors who can say NO to the temptations Zara presents us with, the answer is: a classic item on sale.
A camel coloured coat, a cachemire sweater, an angora jumper, a good pair of boots, an so on.
Only one purchase. Only One ring to rule them all.
5. Online stalking in small doses
Online luxury e-shops can hold some good deals, but beware: browsing Net-A-Porter for hours on end will certainly send you into some kind of delirium. You’ll find yourself engulfed by dark thoughts.
Three hundred euros for a Kenzo make-up bag seems like a bargain. I think I need this Fiji water face spray for just 80 euros. OH MY GOD! Look at this Givenchy! It’s on sale at 70% and it only costs thirteen hundred euros! I want that bucket bag. My precioussss.
Finally I’ll add that Hogan shoes look like shit no matter the price and that you shouldn’t enter Desigual even if the stuff in on sale for 90%.