Raise your hand if you’ve resisted the temptation to buy one of those sober acrylic-mixed-wool itchy Christmas jumpers form the H&M holiday collection featuring Katy Perrys Christmas elves and full of sequins and sparkles that will be lost in the complex abyss of our washing machines.
I bought a black one with glittery mistletoe and a grey one hashtagged Elfie selfie…and I’m even full of regret for not getting the LED light up reindeer one. One of the two that I did buy is nominated for Christmas dinner, the other one for the couch while I watch Nightmare before Christmas.
For the Christmas outfit matter I only have three rules and a bit of random Pinterest inspiration that highlights my love for black, lace, tartan, sparkly things and gold.
♠ I’d say no to wearing jeans on Christmas, unless you’re thirteen and used to walking your dog round the neighbourhood with One Direction playing in your extra big headphones. But maybe not even then, since thirteen year olds these day dress (and look) like they’re in their forties and I’m here wondering if as a result they’ll reach menopause early.
♠ Avoid wearing every gift received. The problem is that some people wear everything together, appearing to dinner as a multilayer clothes hanger featuring random pieces here and there and causing great injustice for not featuring the new pajama courtesy of -insert random relative-.
♠ Finding that middle ground between nun-like and affreux-laide (from Wikipedia: the name of Laide, lady of Corinth, famous for her beauty, her vices and her high rates). And here we’re talking length of skirt, neckline and overexposure of the abdominal-lumbosacral area. Choose one and only one.
Why wear a questionable knitted reindeer knitted sweater?
Simple: it’s comfortable, warm, snug, almost always of vintage taste and look like it’s straight out of 1940s Christmas, depicting reindeers or snowflakes and is generally large so you can eat as much pudding as your heart desires without worries since your belly will be camouflaged, but above all once a year it’s legitimate to walk around wearing reindeer jumpers of dubious taste while singing Let it Snow and would you really turn that down?
Once any self-respecting young adult would have been horrified to open their wrapping paper and find they had been gifted such a garment. But today we can stand united, as we have on our side two excellent British women advocate of Christmas jumpers: Molly Weasley and Bridget Jones.
Mark: I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements that are ridiculous about you. Your mother’s pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever’s in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences. I realize that when I met you at the Turkey Curry Buffet I was unforgiveably rude… and wearing a reindeer jumper… that my mother had given me the day before. But the thing is, uhm, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, uhm, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you. Very much.
Let us all rejoice together: It’s December!
With this post I’m sure I’ll risk being mistaken for one of those “I looove Christmas” kinda people, but I’m really not. I like the build up to it though. I love the cold air, the lights, the music, and wrapping presents. Plus you can get out of anything by using the “but it’s christmas” excuse. It’s the one month of the year when we’re all entitled to bring out the decorations, bake ginger bread biscuits, buy ourselves early presents, eat custard cream and create Christmas playlists on Spotify.
Here’s my questionable selection of Christmas songs, though I should clarify the following points:
1.There’s Harry Potter Christmas at Hogwarts because there’s really no better way to digest Christmas dinner than to re watch Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone.
2. Home Alone is the cornerstone of post 80s American Christmas.
3. The Raveonettes with Christmas Song wrote my favorite Christmas song.
4.Nightmare before Christmas is by far m favourite Christmas movie and the soundtrack is amazing.
5.I did not include All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey, showing that I’m a balanced person.
December = Gift time.
It’s pretty hard to escape the tradition of exchanging gifts, because it’s something that every one loves, regardless of social status or whether or not your wallet resembles that of Kim.
If your budget is low, or almost zero, there are no excuses anyways because DIY has been around since Paleolithic times and nowadays we even have Pintrest that comes to the rescue with tons of cute ideas that help move successfully past the festivities with compliments ranging from dignity to admiration, depending on what level of craftiness you stand at.
For someone to act otherwise during this period of the year would mean there’s some other religion involved (for atheists and agnostics fully fit into the exchanging gifts tribe by reclaiming the original pagan Festival of Lights), they’re antisocial x 100 or they’re simply lazy shits. And cardinal sin it was.
What can be deduced from this is that not partaking in the gift giving tradition is a real pity. Receiving shit presents is even more unfortunate, since Christmas is an accurate indicator of friendship: it is scientifically proven that if you give less than thoughtful presents by the 27 of December your Facebook friends list will be half of what it was beforehand. Hence, at least a minimum amount of mental effort is required, and this is where the division between two main categories of people is triggered: those who are synced on “gift mode” 365 days a year and by March have already found the perfect gift for mother-father-brother and those who on the 24th of December get a the tingling feeling that the following day something known happens, ah yes, people exchange gifts, oops.
As a follow up to this post I have gathered a list of beautiful ideas for gift inspiration for girls. All this needs to be clearly analyzed for your own personal Santa’s letter and for auto-presents, because trusting people is good, but not trusting anyone including relatives is better.
A PERFUME (IF IT’S BY BYREDO IT’S BETTER)
How could we not stay in the cliche’ of pajamas-pefumes-envelopes with money for Christmas? The envelope with money can be easily ocnverted into a Zara, Topshop or whatever other store giftcard, while pjs cna be found literally anywhere. While it is reported that the fragrance of life begins with B and ends with yredo. I’m a fan of Blanche and Palermo (I also tried Inflorescene and Bal d’Afrique which aren’t bad). Go, sniff and moltiply the money, because unfortunately this fragrance doesn’t have the same price of Arrogance Christmas edition.
Here the budget rises significantly: either you have an important present to make or have numerous relatives to spilt the price, cause otherwise this point only applies to auto-gifts and endless fictional wish lists for Santa. I’m beyond tired of photographing shit using my phone camera: I waste the battery just to snap pics that will never turn out as good as they would if I was using an actual camera. The Canon Powershot N2E is the perfect compromise between compactness, good design, power of selfies and wifi. It’s also perfect as a gift for boyfriends/girlfriends, if we want to pretend to be generous and to end up using it all the time ourselves, obviously.
A RANDOM MUG
This goes for any budget, because it goes from a fine porcelain cup with gold ornaments hand decorated by a bored Russian to that highly sought white cup with golden (or black) initials by Anthropologie to something dug out of a flea market.
Nail varnishes and lipsticks are always appreciated by all women, for example Nars red Audacious or a Dovima Rouge Tomate for the nails.