Maleficent: jackass princes, true love and Angelina Jolies cheekbones

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Classic Disney movies are made of the same stuff dreams are made of: princes, songs, dazed and incompetent princesses, straight blonde hair, evil envious villans and joyful gala balls.

In between there is always a villain harbouring vipers within, poisoned by some kind of past torment, who rightfully spends his/her days loathing the above mentioned princesses.

Beautiful princesses, who always have beautiful hair, but who spend their existence either  stuck in a perpetual coma or some other mortal danger and dividing themselves between things like: picking berries in the woods, talking to birds, convincing fawns to clean their house, getting their fingers pricked on a spinning wheel -who doesn’t own a spinning wheel in their home?-  and carelessly accepting poisoned apples from an old ugly witch who appears clearly and obviously as dangerous as a strain of ebola

Despite their mere idiocy,  they always end up marrying the rich and wealthy prince, flaunting a puffed-up ballgown and pointy heels. 

Such iconography has led us poor adult women to grow up seeking rings, boyfriends, long hair and Jimmy Choo shoes. 

So last night I wrapped myself in a big blanket nursing a cup of hot chocolate in bed as any 20 year old would do, mentally cursing Aurora, her prince and her blonde beach waves that do not exist in real life, ready to watch the story from Maleficents point of view. She’s one of my favorite villans ever.

And villan is something you don’t become by accident -don’t forget Darth Vader–  and while watching Maleficent I learned that the horned witch with violet dark circles whose image used to terrorize me as a child is not so evil after all. 

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-SPOILER-

Maleficent, a good fairy very well-liked by the general public, lives in the Moors, and one day she meets Stefan, one of the Kings servants, whom she falls for after a kiss she believes -friend, pat on the shoulder- is of true love

Meanwhile, the King dreams to take over the Moors, kingdom Maleficent strenuously protects, and promises his Throne and daughter to whomever succeeds in killing Maleficent. 

The infamous ambitious traitor Stefan, exploiting maleficent trust, approaches her to kill her, but, as an after-thought, limits himself to taking her wings and taking them to the king as a evidence.

Get it? This explains the spinning wheel, the crow, the hatred, the turning up at the wedding uninvited, the hostility towards the stupid queen ect.

It explains everything, she couldn’t have caused that scene at the wedding, full of curses and anathemas, just because they had failed to invite her

Although it’s not a masterpiece, the film finally shows a true love ending that no one expects. 

Absolutely positive note: Angelina Jolie perfect in the role of Maleficent, with amazing cheekbones -lol to contouring– heavy make-up and dark magnificence.

“So you see, the story is not quite as you were told, and I should know, for I was the one they called “Sleeping Beauty”. In the end, my kingdom was united not by a hero or a villain, as legend had predicted, but by one who was both hero and villain. And her name was Maleficent. “

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Maleficent

 

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